i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
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my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Semen is not good for contacts.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
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after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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