At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
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