she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
