The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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