FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
