Michael Bay diarrhea
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
