every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
