I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
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