I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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