Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
