I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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