I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
