i just had sex bonerless
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I think your dad took our porno
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Randomize
