now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
