Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
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