I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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