I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
