did you get engaged???
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
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