Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
