It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
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i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
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i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
And then he peed in my hair
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