I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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