tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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