hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
