I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
The uberlube is also flammable
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
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