i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
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