you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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