she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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