Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
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