My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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