in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
