I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
