I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I can't put those talents on a resume
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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