i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
this will be a night to untag.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Randomize
