it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
