I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
