so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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