You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
You are a genius and a whore.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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