Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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