Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
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