thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
