I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
ugly people sure do ruin things
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
So many bounce houses so little time
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Randomize
