do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
The feeling are messing with the penis
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
