I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Randomize
