Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
