I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
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