He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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