fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
He kissed a someone with a penis
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
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we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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