You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
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