Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
