When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Randomize
