Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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