Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
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