it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
