do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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