If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
The air was thick with penises
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize
