Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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