Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
