Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
