4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Couch. On fire.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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