listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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