I cannot find my penis.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Randomize
