They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
