the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
