OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
