If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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