i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
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