WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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