So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
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