We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
