You can't special order awesome
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
