I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
