R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
