My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
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